February 14: National “Oh Crap! I Need To Be Romantic” Day.

I don’t really like Valentine’s Day.  Before you come after me with torches and pitchforks, let me explain.  I love my husband.  Love my kids.  I love the idea of love.  And of romance.   What I don’t love is the idea of one special day a year where you’re supposed to be romantic.  Romance should not be a compulsory thing.  It just shouldn’t.

Here’s a great example of something that would curl my toes if Handsome Hubby brought this home to me.  (No offense to people who have one of these necklaces, want one of these necklaces or bought one of these necklaces… they just aren’t for me.)

This “Open Hearts” necklace is from Kay Jewelers and actress Jane Seymour. Apparently, besides being a frontier medicine woman (which, I never ever watched, by the way) Ms. Seymour is an artist.  Her “Open Hearts” collection is intended to send the message that “if your heart is open, love will always find its way in”. (Part of my heart is open and all it means is that I need to take antibiotics before I go to the dentist.)

She sincerely hopes that her design will one day become “the universal symbol of hope and love”.
Please excuse me… is it possible to laugh and throw up at the same time?

If Handsome Hubby presented me with this, here are things I might think he was trying to tell me:

  • Happy Valentine’s Day! You have a big ass! 
  • Happy Valentine’s Day! You need corrective heart surgery!
  • Happy Valentine’s Day! Grant practiced writing the letter Z and I had it encrusted with diamonds for you!
  • Happy Valentine’s Day! The line at See’s Candy was too long.
  • Happy Valentine’s Day!  This reminds me of my testicles, so I thought you’d love it.
  • Happy Valentine’s Day! I forgot to make reservations to go out.
  • Happy Valentine’s Day! They were sold out of the Journey Diamond Necklaces.
  • Happy Valentine’s Day! I didn’t put any thought or effort into this, and I am incapable of doing something truly romantic and therefore, need to have a national marketing campaign create my romantic gestures for me! Wear it in good health and know that whenever you see it on another woman (and you will) that you are no more special than any of the other women whose husbands phoned it in on Valentine’s Day.

I would rather have little gestures that demonstrate love 365 days a year, rather than a few grandiose gestures on Valentine’s Day and our anniversary.  (Don’t get me wrong, grandiose gestures would be great, but I don’t want them to be done out of a sense of obligation.)

This?  This is love.

HH is romantic and thoughtful every day, in some small way.  Whether it’s tossing a towel in the dryer to warm it up so that it’s toasty when I get out of the shower, or taking my car and filling the gas tank when he sees that it’s gotten low.  He recognizes that it is the little things that say “I love you” the most. (Which is cool, because he recognizes the little things I do for him as well.)

I would rather have a love note left on a post-it in the bathroom than a pre-packaged Valentine Extravaganza that some marketing department came up with. My husband tells me he loves me every day, both with his words and his deeds.  It’s one thing to fall in love.  It’s another thing entirely to actively choose to love someone… even on the days when you aren’t feeling romantic.

Love is a choice.  I’ll choose everyday romance, and appreciation of the little things every time.

I hope you’re spending Valentine’s Day exactly how you want to, and with the person you love.
(Because in the end, that’s all that matters today.)

about Vivienne Wagner


  1. says

    I have always thought that design looked like a butt, thank you for saying it.

    Flowers gross me out.

    Thanks for giving me something that is going to die!

    I left a card and a package of MnMs on Mr. T’s truck seat this morning. That’s it. Im also going to clean the apartment tonight because that will REALLY show him I love him.

  2. says

    Last summer while working at the Farrmer’s Market I had not one, not two, not three but FOUR different women on the same day at different times of the day wearing that same necklace. I thought wow these must be really inexpensive or this commercials have really drilled it into the heads of men to BUY THIS. lol
    DH is making me dinner and that is LOVE.

  3. says

    Sisters separated at birth, you and I. We gotta be. Except, of course, for the fact that I was born in 1963, and you couldn’t possibly have been birthed that early in history. A mere technicality, though.

    Thank you for a real day-brightener! Happy Day to you!

  4. says

    Having coffee ready for me in the morning is the best gift. It is thoughtful and caring…even if I do share the coffee with him.
    I don’t like Hallmark Holidays as I call them.

  5. says

    This post made me laugh, then awww and have a big smile. What a sweet gesture! We don’t do gifts, really. We’ll surprise each other throughout the year. I like Valentine’s Day as a day set aside to show a bit more love to others, but think the huge gestures and all are silly. I don’t want anything big.(I used to think people who said that were fooling themselves or setting a low bar.)

    And I’m so so glad someone else hates the butt hearts as much as I do. :) Have you noticed the commercials keep getting better and better, like a little boy smirking because he picked it out for the mom? Well, duh, it looks like a butt!

  6. says

    Haha! Love it. I always joke with Steve about it and accidentally call it the hearts on fire necklace because I get confused. It’s hard to keep all of this gimmick-y jewelry straight. 😀

    It totally looks like cheeks!

  7. says

    I’m glad I’m not the only one. I’m right there with you on small everyday gestures, especially when they’re things he knows I don’t love doing. And that necklace has always reminded me of a deranged swan or the opposite of what it’s supposed to represent. To me it looks like a broken heart.

  8. says

    Cheers to you Viv for this awesome post! My husband and I have so much fun every time those stupid Kay Jewelers / Jane Seymour commercials come on TV. Always mildly amused what they will tell us is this year’s “must have” necklace to prove that your husband loves you. You nailed it, and had me laughing out loud at the possible choices of what your husband would be saying with such a gift! The best part? The note about the coffee being ready. THAT is enduring, true, everyday, love. The best kind there is!

  9. says

    This just made my night! Seriously I have been so bitter today! If I have to see one more picture of someone’s flowers or gift that their amazing and thoughtful husband gave them I’m going to scratch my eyes out.. They had to! That’s not thoughtful! Love this post so much

  10. says

    Love your honesty. Really. My hubs isn’t exactly mr. romance, never has been (oops, except at first) We’ve been married for over 44 yrs. so I have learned not to expect or even hope for some grand gesture. He loves me and shows me in his own way. Just have to be married to him for awhile to know what those ways are, lol. Guess I know he loves me cause he’s hung in there with me thru some hard stuff and my mood swings before it was discovered I had clinical depression along with exaggerated anxiety and went thru a really bad menopause with me. I mean really bad. This was before I was diagnosed. I had a hysterectomy at 31.
    I’ve had alot of serious surgeries and he’s helped out. Not necessarily the way I’d have liked but he did help in ways he thinks are necessary. I was told after last surgery (replacing left knee) not to do any house work of any kind at all as doc knew I’d done way too much after right knee replacement. Believe me I did too much. I had to let control of house hold slide for awhile. Not easy for me but I listened to doc.
    But hey I’m 72 and he tells me I’m still sexy to him. What more could a girl want?

  11. says

    Oh you are such a girl after my open ended heart. (hahahaha). I had to read this to Mark. We share the same sentiments. I make it fun for my kids, but that is about the end of it. I hate being forced to show my love and even worse, do it on a day when everyone else is doing it. (not doing IT, well you know what I mean). Yuk! For the record, I suck at romantic notions. Not that I don’t love romance, I am just not so great at the think ahead stuff. Mark has me beat here. This year, he went to my lifelong favorite Ice Cream place, Fentons in Oakland. He brought a cooler with him to court that day, went out of his way on way home, had my favorite Sundae made to my own specific order (think When Harry Met Sally) and bought a jar of their famous Carmel Sauce to go with it. We actually did go out to dinner, and he presented this to me after. I ate almost the whole thing in splendid silence while he took care of all kid duties for the rest of the evening. THAT is true love. We are lucky to have the types of hubbies that show the real kind of romantic love all year. Love that note on the Coffee Pot. He says HH was thinking just of you when he left for the day and wanted you to have a really good start to the day. LOVE!

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