Take my kid. Please.

OK. So I have THAT kid. It'll pass. Right?

Homework is a chore.

He created a ruckus in kindergarten.

He doesn't listen.

Grant has been "put on contract" with his 1st grade teacher. What that means is that he keeps being silly in class and disturbing others in the class. (Mainly his teacher.) A good day is when he gets 3 stickers, 3 check marks and no warnings.

On this day, he got his stickers, and got his check marks, but apparently the substitute teacher had to give him a warning or two...

Click on the picture to read the little stinker's details. It would be funny, except it's my kid that's doing it. oy.

Pom-Pom Week.

I've been working on decor for an upcoming event at our church. (I'm super excited: Tyrone Wells is playing there this Friday night! Squee!!!)

I took the color scheme from the colors in this painting. I showed my friend Rose how to do these paintings at Christmas time. I liked hers way better than mine because of the colors she chose.



Anyhow, we are making eleventy-billion tissue paper pom-poms to hang from the ceiling. (Click here for Martha's tutorial.) I had originally wanted to hang lots of chandeliers all over the lobby and go with a rustic/sparkly ski lodge look, but I got sick and ran out of time. On to Plan B.



I needed a light, frosty blue tissue paper but couldn't find the right color at the right price. It would have worked out to $2 per pom-pom. Er, no thank you.... Again, spray paint saves the day. By light, short bursts of spray paint, I was able to get the look I wanted. For $3 per can. We probably got 25 pom-poms out of 1 can of paint.

I repeat: you can spray paint anything.

We started getting a few of them up this afternoon. We need a whole heck of a lot more pom-poms before it can look like it does in my head, but it's a start. :)

(And can I just thank Linda for sitting patiently and cutting the ends into perfect little points and for being an excellent pom-pom fluffer...? Crafts are so much more fun if someone is doing them with you!)

Yes. I am a Copy Cat. (And apparently I have some issues with impulsivity.)

So I was quickly checking out a few blogs in between doses of Nyquil and boxes of Kleenex. I saw the cah-utest little Valentine's vignette at House of Smiths.

It was so cute that (while still in my PJs) I set about copying her immediately. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, don't ya know.

I'm guessing that Mrs. Smith used vinyl cut-outs on her vintage window frame.

I didn't have vinyl (or anything I could make her cute cut-outs with) and I also didn't have an old window. What I did have was a spare mirror and acrylic paint.

I last used this as my RedRum mirror for our Halloween Party. I slapped on a little white acrylic paint. (And none too carefully, I might add...)

Next, I blooped on a bunch of acrylic paint directly onto the mirror's surface. (Slapped and Blooped are artist/painting terms. Honest. You can look it up.)

I just wanted the basic shape of the birds and sticks. I didn't care if it was perfect.
Here's a trick: While the paint is still wet, use a razor blade to create clean lines. Gone are my ragged edges. (Unless they're supposed to be there.)


Not counting drying time, this project took me about 10 minutes. Well, OK 30 minutes if you start counting from the moment I saw the original over at House of Smiths, jumped out of my seat and started gathering my materials like a loon.

But still.... Fast... free... and it made me forget about my stuffy nose for a while.

Please pray for this mom.

I just heard about this woman. She is a 38 year old blogger who had a massive stroke on January 11th. She lives in Denver and has 2 daughters. Her husband has taken over her blog and is giving updates.


Please pray for this woman and her family. The strength and faith they are showing during this terrible time is nothing short of amazing and inspirational.

You know what's embarrassing....?

You know what's embarrassing?

When you're home sick and you're being a couch potato...?
Naw! That's totally understandable.

When you've blown your nose so many times that your nose is peeling and your upper lip is cracked and you look like a leper....?
Naw! You're sick. That happens.

When you're home sick and you are on the couch watching old movies, and you come out of your Nyquil induced stupor just enough to realize that your 14 and 18 year old boys are in the room with you while you watch the orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally....?

Er... ya. That actually is a little embarrassing.

(Although not bad as the time I left Grant alone to watch Jerry Maguire....)

Snarky is as snarky does.

I am sick. I can't breathe. I have gone through an entire box of kleenex in 24 hour period.
I feel like total crap... so I am in the mood to critique the fashions at last night's Golden Globe awards. (Cuz when I am bitchy and cranky I tend to share the wealth....)

JLH... I helped to make a bridal dress out of toilet paper at a bridal shower once. It had more shape and style than this though.


I love Helena Bonham Carter and usually her get-ups don't surprise me. (She is married to Tim Burton after all....)

However, this mess reminds me of an explosion at a tea party. (Perhaps it's a nod to Alice In Wonderland?)
(picdigger.com)

Poor Catherine Zeta-Jones.
She's had a rough year, what with her hubby being sick and all. I wonder how many Shar-peis were sacrificed to make this green number?

( google images)

Then there are the girls whose dresses are OK or even pretty, but dang! They need to eat something! I'm Italian. I look at them and I want to make them a big 'ole pan of lasgana. Mangia! Have some cheese... Some pasta... Something!





All I kept thinking about when I looked at Claire Danes was "double sided tape".... And that she needed to eat something too. Same thing with January Jones.


Bravo prego!!!! Jane looks Fab! (When I was pregnant, everything was fat and pregnant... even my nose! That's right, I had pregnant ass, pregnant nose, pregnant arms... Life is not fair sometimes.)


Natalie? Fire your stylist.

Find out who Jane Krakowski is using and hire them. Clearly they know how to do something fabulous for pregnant women. It's a no-brainer that you'll be nominated for an Oscar. You better figure something out fast.

Look! It's Skanky Barbie! (OK, I guess the dress isn't completely hideous. She just seems to have a knack for making everything look cheap and tacky.)


Jane Fonda!

What's with those pointy little wings on your shoulders?
Were you feeling a bit nostalgic for your Barbarella Days...?


Heidi? If one of the Project Runway designers presented this on the runway, they would have heard you say "I'm sorry, you're OUT." (So, um why are you wearing this...?)


Are they doing a feature film about Laugh-In? Is Michelle Williams going to be playing Goldie Hawn and she's preparing for the role....? There is no other explanation for this ensemble.


You know what I want to wear tonight? I'd love a shapeless shift dress that doesn't flatter my figure.

Oh! Oh! And I'd really love it if it could look like there are beaded crabs and sea creatures all over it....mkay?

Never accessorize with or add embellishments that are bigger than your head.


Another tip? Never opt for a dress where you will need someone to follow you around with a steam iron.


I have no words for this. None.


I wear these UNDER my dress. They're called Spanx. They're fabulous!


They said this is a songwriter named Diane Warren...

No one is fooling me. It's Ric Ocasek, trying to move on from that Cars stuff.


No matter what you wear, I just. don't. like. you.


Enough already. My latest round of medicine is kicking in. Time for a nap...

Eva Longoria wins the Best Dressed award from me. (She's already called to thank me.)


(all images from tmz.com unless otherwise noted.)

I'm probably going to still be sick by the time the Academy Awards roll around, so I should have more snark. Click here to read last year's snarky take on the 2010 Oscar fashions.

This REALLY, REALLY sucks.

The problem with taking care of sick people....? You're bound to get sick, yourself.
Gah.

This. Sucks.

Guess what I've been doing?

Yep. Sick kids. There are so many people getting their temperatures taken and being dosed with different medications that I actually need a spot to indicate a sterile thermometer and I have "chart notes" on papers taped to my kitchen cabinets.


My house house sounds like a TB ward and smells like Lysol. Yuck.

If you should spot a celebrity... don't be a spaz.

I live in a part of California where if you swing that proverbial dead cat, you have better than average chance of hitting a Kardashian. Celebrity (ahem, using that term loosely) sightings often bring out the squealing dork in people.

A quick pop quiz, based on my own observations. (And from some of the horses' mouths.)

Scenario #1
You are eating a meal in a restaurant and you see a celebrity walk in with a group of people. Should you...

• (a) make an obvious, squealy racket and draw attention to yourself by loudly informing other diners, "OMG! It's So And So!!!"
• (b) stop with your fork halfway to your mouth and stare.
• (c) calmly and quietly inform the others at your table and then enjoy your meal. Quietly.

The answer is C.

Scenario #2
The celebrity's group is now seated at their table and enjoying their meal. Should you...

• (a) go up to their table, interrupt conversation and inform the celebrity that you are a huge fan. Assume that they are as excited to meet you as you are to meet them. Ask for an autograph. Assume they carry a pen and paper just for these occasions.
• (b) go up to their table, completely ignore that there are other people at the table and you have made their meal come to a screeching halt. Ramble on about how much you know about them or mention a relationship that ended badly for them.
  
• (c) do not go up to the table.

The answer is C.

Scenario #3
You are shopping and you notice a lone celebrity shopping nearby. Should you...

• (a) make an obvious, squealy racket and draw attention to yourself by loudly informing other shoppers, "OMG! It's So And So!!!"
• (b) run over to the celebrity, loudly asking for an autograph and repeating "I can't believe it's you!" over and over, like a parrot with Tourette's Syndrome.
  
• (c) calmly approach the celebrity, say hello and let them know you enjoy their work (or in some cases, the fact that they were able to get 6 shows on E! because of a sex tape). Ask for an autograph if you like that kind of thing.

The answer is C.

Scenario #4
You are shopping and you notice a celebrity and one or two other people shopping nearby. Should you...

• (a) make an obvious, squealy racket and draw attention to yourself by loudly informing other shoppers, "OMG! It's So And So!!!"
• (b) run over to the celebrity, wedge yourself between them and their friends, ask for an autograph. Only notice you are stepping on one of the friends because you need to borrow a pen and paper from them.
  
• (c) calmly approach the group. Acknowledge you don't want to interrupt... just want to say hello. If that is well received, ask for an autograph if you like that kind of thing.

The answer is C.

Bottom line? Don't be obnoxious. Some people say that "well, they asked for that when they became famous." Maybe. But they're still people (well, some of 'em. Not sure about Tom Cruise) and like any person they will respond to what you give them....

Make them feel like they're an object or public property?
They won't appreciate it too much.

Create a scene when you spot them?
They're going to want to get away from you as quickly as possible. (And their friends will really want you to go away.)

Interrupt what is clearly a private moment?
You'll be viewed as an unwelcome intrusion.

Be calm and respectful?
You'll be received with respect and appreciation. (Usually.)

Most actors, athletes and celebrities are very nice if you approach them with respect. Most are downright friendly and enjoy meeting fans. (And some, even when they aren't enjoying a situation will pretend they are. They're actors for crying out loud.) Just don't be a spaz. You might actually be able to enjoy a whole conversation instead of just getting a signature on a piece of paper.

What makes you feel better when you're sick...?

Grant got up this morning with a fever. I gave him children's Advil and he went back to sleep for 4 hours. I know he's feeling better now. He got up and asked me for some apple juice, cheerios and a Phillips head screwdriver.

Guess which kid is our kid.

Sorry for the shaky camerawork, but we were laughing too hard to hold the camera still.
(And sorry for the crappy quality, I'm too retarded to edit this.)

Take a quick look at this video clip and see if you can guess which kid is ours?



Oh, Mr. Grant. Seriously. I have THAT kid.
If you need a hint, he's the only one out of four 1st grade classes that was up there playing the air-guitar.