Now while I long for the days when my biggest complaint was only about my fat butt, now everything is squishy. That's gonna take some work.
My winter skin gets a good polish once a week with.... coffee grounds. (or is it grinds?)
After your cup (or 3) of morning joe, dump what's left in the coffee filter into a plastic bowl or some other container. Take it with you into the shower. Get wet then step out of the spray. Scoop up a little of the coffee and lightly rub it on your skin with a circular motion. (I pay particular attention to my feet.)
Rinse off. Yes, it rinses right down the drain like any sugar, salt or seed scrub would. I have done this for years and never, ever, EVER had a problem with plumbing. If you're on a septic system, I have no idea if that will make a difference.
You will smell a bit like coffee, even after rinsing, but then go over everything with a moisturizing body wash. (Use vanilla and you'll smell like a delicious latte.) :)
Bonus: caffeine is an ingredient in those dumb cellulite creams. Just sayin'.
Cheap, easy, and you'll have softer skin.