I feel like total crap... so I am in the mood to critique the fashions at last night's Golden Globe awards. (Cuz when I am bitchy and cranky I tend to share the wealth....)
JLH... I helped to make a bridal dress out of toilet paper at a bridal shower once. It had more shape and style than this though.
I love Helena Bonham Carter and usually her get-ups don't surprise me. (She is married to Tim Burton after all....)
However, this mess reminds me of an explosion at a tea party. (Perhaps it's a nod to Alice In Wonderland?)
(picdigger.com)Poor Catherine Zeta-Jones.
She's had a rough year, what with her hubby being sick and all. I wonder how many Shar-peis were sacrificed to make this green number?
( google images)
Then there are the girls whose dresses are OK or even pretty, but dang! They need to eat something! I'm Italian. I look at them and I want to make them a big 'ole pan of lasgana. Mangia! Have some cheese... Some pasta... Something!
All I kept thinking about when I looked at Claire Danes was "double sided tape".... And that she needed to eat something too. Same thing with January Jones.
Bravo prego!!!! Jane looks Fab! (When I was pregnant, everything was fat and pregnant... even my nose! That's right, I had pregnant ass, pregnant nose, pregnant arms... Life is not fair sometimes.)
Natalie? Fire your stylist.
Find out who Jane Krakowski is using and hire them. Clearly they know how to do something fabulous for pregnant women. It's a no-brainer that you'll be nominated for an Oscar. You better figure something out fast.
Look! It's Skanky Barbie! (OK, I guess the dress isn't completely hideous. She just seems to have a knack for making everything look cheap and tacky.)
Jane Fonda!
What's with those pointy little wings on your shoulders?
Were you feeling a bit nostalgic for your Barbarella Days...?
Heidi? If one of the Project Runway designers presented this on the runway, they would have heard you say "I'm sorry, you're OUT." (So, um why are you wearing this...?)
Are they doing a feature film about Laugh-In? Is Michelle Williams going to be playing Goldie Hawn and she's preparing for the role....? There is no other explanation for this ensemble.
You know what I want to wear tonight? I'd love a shapeless shift dress that doesn't flatter my figure.
Oh! Oh! And I'd really love it if it could look like there are beaded crabs and sea creatures all over it....mkay?
Never accessorize with or add embellishments that are bigger than your head.
Another tip? Never opt for a dress where you will need someone to follow you around with a steam iron.
I have no words for this. None.
I wear these UNDER my dress. They're called Spanx. They're fabulous!
They said this is a songwriter named Diane Warren...
No one is fooling me. It's Ric Ocasek, trying to move on from that Cars stuff.
No matter what you wear, I just. don't. like. you.
Enough already. My latest round of medicine is kicking in. Time for a nap...
Eva Longoria wins the Best Dressed award from me. (She's already called to thank me.)
(all images from tmz.com unless otherwise noted.)
I'm probably going to still be sick by the time the Academy Awards roll around, so I should have more snark. Click here to read last year's snarky take on the 2010 Oscar fashions.
14 comments:
Ha! I just posted my recap like 20 seconds ago! Great minds think alike. I also LOVED eva's look. But, I thought Natalie Portman looked sweet. I could have done without the rose. It would have looked great with some other detail instead of the flower... Anyhow. I liked your snarky take...of course!
I LOVE your snark! I can't get enough! Especially when it's directed toward celebrities whom I generally hold in very low regard anyway.
I mostly agree. My best dressed was Emma Stone. I thought she looked stunning.
Eva Longoria looks fabulous! I can't stand Angie and Catherine Zeta Jones!
Does snarky mean the same thing as bitchy? Remind me to NEVER wear my Oscar attire while you're sickly.
I hate BRAD PITT's wife. I refuse to even call her by her name. You know why? Because she's a husband stealer and she made out with her brother. Eww.
Love your snark!!! I hope your not sick when the next one rolls around but man I am totally looking for the next edition.
I thought Catherine Zeta Jones looked like Scarlett O'Hara wearing the green curtains. She is still so beautiful even if she was wearing SJP's shower curtain from the Oscar's she would look good!
Your post is funny, thanks for the laugh!
Annie
Yes please, I will have another helping of Vivienne's snarkiness! LOVED it...Sorry you are feeling bad,but this was just priceless!!!
Hey, hey, Snarky McSnarkiton....I love this and you!
HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm with you on all of it. Helena and that other lady with the white hair...and white/yellow outfit: they're both British, does that mean anything??
Jane Fonda wore wings because she was hoping to be beamed back up to whatever b/s planet she came from. And Christina? SHE IS TRASH. Angelina? Hello, 1949 wants it's dress back. And you can go back too. Take your man friend with you.
Oh I laughed out loud at the Diane Warren/Ric Ocasek thing. So funny! I'm afraid to say that we're on the mend over here. I don't want to jinx it but I do feel a lot better than I did last week. Hopefully you will turn a corner soon! I don't wish you illness but I did enjoy the snarkiness.
I LOVE this. LOVE it! I concur with your assessment.
You crack me up!
I seriously thought many of these folks were either on drugs or don't own mirrors!
Love it! I was thinking half-way through that I couldn't wait until your assessment for the Oscar fashion again!!!
You need to be sick more often Viv!! Look how much catchup I had to do b/c you blogged so much!!!
~Becca
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