I only wish that I had answered test questions this way instead of leaving the tough ones blank...
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I only wish that I had answered test questions this way instead of leaving the tough ones blank...
Sunday, October 25, 2009
You know how signing the matting around a photo of the couple has become more popular than a traditional guest-book signature? This couple had the framed photo. HH went to sign the mat and upon his return, he insisted I go over and take a look at one of the signatures....
Marriage = HaPenis. (the emphasis on the capital "p" is mine...)
I about fell over I was laughing so hard. I don't know if it was the poor spelling, the public permanence (and magnitude) of the error, or the Patron, but we couldn't stop laughing.
A good marriage does = happiness. And being able to laugh together is a great start.
I hope the new Mr. & Mrs. get a good laugh every time they walk past that photo. (I know we will every time we think about it.)
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
As I am transferring a load from the washer into the dryer, I see Devin's hoody sweatshirt has a dirty, blackish stain on the back, near the bottom hem.
I asked him what happened. He says, "I don't know, I must have sat in something..."
Conner, who is listening to the conversation says, "What'd you do? Shit in... Oops!!!! I meant sit! Mom, I meant sit! I didn't mean to say that! I've developed a stutter!!!"
With a grin on his face, Devin points out: "That's bull-sit."
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
She has a sweet face and a loving disposition.
But she can be a stinker.
When I walked back in the house, she met me at the gate with this look on her face.
This is what she does when she knows she did something she wasn't supposed to. This is what guilt looks like.
She will hang her head in shame,
What scares me is when she comes to me, making this face, and I can't immediately see what it is she did wrong...
Monday, October 19, 2009
Target has just pulled a Halloween costume from their shelves:
(photo: My Fox LA)
People are going bonkers over this. Puh-leeze. It shouldn't offend immigrants. It should offend illegal aliens. They are not the same thing.
I have found myself going from walking on proverbial eggshells so that I don't offend someone, to becoming so verbally hamstrung that I am second guessing every word that comes out of my mouth. I am all done being worried about this. I'll take common sense over political correctness any ole' day!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Everyone knows they're fake. If they're already fake looking, you may as well make them look like they're supposed to be that way.
I take my fake pumpkin and paint black lines in the creases. Before it can dry, I apply metallic copper paint in between the black lines. Working with one or two "stripes" of copper paint at a time, get your paint brush wet and go over the area, letting the water blend the two colors a bit. (Do not use a foam brush for this project.)
Continue the process until the entire pumpkin is completely covered.
I spray an indoor-outdoor clear sealant on the pumpkins once they're dry.
You can leave them at that, or paint/stencil a word (blessings, thankful), your address, etc.
Now it's out in the open that they're fake pumpkins. No more pretending to be something they're not...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Thursday, October 08, 2009
I have been
This was the living room - Before.
Beautiful built-ins and mouldings, lots of natural lighting... a great room. It just needed a bit of updating.
The living room - After
New carpeting was a big ticket item, but everything else was done with an eye on the bottom line. A beautiful sage green on the walls helps to highlight the gorgeous mouldings and a dark, dark chocolate brown updates the built-ins.
The letters (FAITH), the orchids and the white plate on the right were new purchases. Everything else in the room were items she already had and we either moved them from other areas in the house or re-did them so they would work in the room.
The dining room - Before
A great space. High ceilings, a beautiful bay window. Lots of potential.
The dining room - After
New carpet in here too, a darker hue of the sage green on the walls. (No one would let me on a ladder any higher than this... I think ultimately it would be nice to paint up to the ceiling) We rearranged a few pieces of furniture and incorporated a few of her new dining chairs. We painted the dated finish on the beautiful chandelier with Rustoleum's hammered metal spray paint and got new window treatments.
We also took a page from The Lettered Cottage and made drapery panels from painter's drop cloths. I wanted them to look a bit more finished, so I grabbed a glue gun and trimmed them out with black grosgrain ribbon.
I already had the rods and hardware, so we sprayed them with the same hammered metal paint.
The entire bay window cost $50.
In fact, all things considered? We re-did 3 rooms in her house for pennies on the dollar.
We re-used, re-purposed and re-cycled lots of what she already had. I love how the space looks and I love that Jodi is happy with it. She thinks I'm crazy that I enjoy doing things like this so much. She also got me thinking.....
It is easy for me to downplay my "talents" simply because, well, they're mine. I take them for granted... after all, if it comes easy for me, it's probably easy for everyone.
I thought about some of my blog posts that got amazingly positive responses:
Disaster preparedness (read parts One Two and Three)
Home organization Tips
Camping tips (parts Two Three and Six)
I am good at working with a small budget.
I am good at problem solving when it comes to decor or party planning.
I do see potential in discarded/forgotten items.
I am very organized.
For years, I've been trying to figure out how to start a little business... but do what? Crafts? Invitations? Furniture pieces? Pottery? What?
Jodi pointed out that I could do a little bit of everything... decor, party planning, holiday decorating, organizing... sort of like a Girl Friday. So for the past several weeks I've been figuring that one out and working on a plan. I need to stay close to home and work when Grant is at school.
I'm so excited! I have a business and I built a little website. (No big deal for some, but computer anything is difficult for me.) CraftyGirlFriday.com - Wish me luck!!
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Robert Halderman, a CBS producer, allegedly tried to extort 2 million dollars in exchange for his silence? Shocking that someone would do that.
You know what is shocking to me? That Halderman's lawyer's plan for his defense is to say, "Oh yeah? Well Letterman sexually harassed his employees!"
Extortion and/or blackmail is illegal no matter why you do it...
Just so I understand... you aren't going to do anything to address your client's extortion and blackmail charges, but instead are going try the old "Hey! What's that behind you!!??"
Monday, October 05, 2009
In groups of about 8, the kids rotated through 3 "stations" in the class. I was supposed to give each kid a little baby food jar with some whipping cream and have them shake it until they had butter. You know what? Baby food jars are not meant to be reused in such a fashion. The lids don't screw back on securely. I had to tighten them so much that when the kids (finally) had a lump of butter, I couldn't get the lids back off. I felt like a monkey... pounding the lids on the table and grunting trying to get those suckers off.
I was then to give the kids a spoon and some saltines and let them taste the butter they made.
"I don't want a plate. Can I use my cookbook paper as a plate?"
Peppered throughout these constant comments was whining. Brandon: "Teeaaaaaaaaaaachheeerrrrr! I don't have butter yeeeettttt! Teeeeeeee-cher! Mine's not wooooooooorking."
"Brandon! My name is not teacher! My name is Mrs. W. And STOP WHINING!"
While still trying to shake leaky jars, get the kids to color their cookbook page for the letter B, serve them crackers and butter and field all of these questions... Time's Up! Switch to your next station everybody!
I had about 30 seconds to clean up the table space, pick up the kids' papers, get the next groups' papers ready, and dump the remaining butter from the jars and clean them for the next round. Have you ever tried to wash butter off of something with cold water? It doesn't work very well.
At the end of my 2 hours, I was frazzled. As the kids got ready to file out to recess, the teacher cheerfully said, "Let's all thank our volunteer moms for helping us today!"
They all shouted their thanks. One kid came out of the line and ran across the room to give me a great big hug.
It was not Grant.
It was Brandon, the kid I came down on for his incessant whining.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Spoiler alert: This post is going to have a healthy dose of social commentary, and will possibly offend someone. (So deal with it.)
A good friend of mine was given four front row tickets to yesterday afternoon's Angels game. Did I want to be spontaneous (shut up! Sometimes I can be...) and take Conner and Mitch and go with her? Sure! Sounds fun!
We arrive around the 3rd inning. Yep... we are front row, just above the visitors' dugout. Nice seats. This is pretty cool. The kids get ice cream, my friend and I got beer and peanuts. We're having a nice time.... then we hear rowdy people to our right.
We shared the row with a collective 1,200 pounds of cholo. Five big guys, all in their 40s, each of them at least 250 pounds, (one of them close to 300 pounds) and four of them had been enjoying a lot of beer. One of them was extremely rowdy, calling out stupid remarks to the guy selling "Bags of nuts! Who needs a bag of nuts?" .... you get the idea.
We'll call him Rowdy Asshole. (RA for short.) RA began to whistle.
Now, this shouldn't be a problem. We're at a major league baseball game.
They yell at the players.
You know why? Because it is obnoxious and serves no other purpose but to annoy those around you and hurt their ears.
As he repeatedly let out this, long, sustained, annoying whistle, people around him began to murmur unhappily. We began to hear "Dude! Come on!" or "Come on guy, that's enough."
The more RA heard complaints, the more defiant and jerky he became, loudly commenting to his seatmates that it's a free country and he is whistling at a baseball game. He clearly was enjoying the fact he was annoying the people around him.
Then my friend, who is one of the most laid back "live and let live" people that I know, tossed a peanut in the RA's direction. It was good natured, trying to get his attention, sort of playfully saying, "Hey, stop with the stupid whistle."
While on any other day she may not have been able to hit the broad side of a barn, yesterday she managed to peg a 300 pound, drunk cholo in the face with a peanut.
RA was on his feet and freaking out within seconds.
And by freaking out, I mean dropping rapid fire F-Bombs and ranting about the assault against his person, while standing over Conner and Mitch. At that point, I am yelling back at him to stop with the language, because there are children present. Nothing doing. He continued to rant and rave.
Being in the first row has another advantage in that security was right there to witness everything. Mr. Security tried to get RA to calm down. RA was asked to show his ticket stub.
We, on the other end of the row, were sitting quietly... not making a scene. We were not asked to show our tickets.
Can you guess where I'm going with this?
"Oh fine! Pick on the Mexican people!! The Mexican people couldn't possibly have a front row ticket, right?! Why didn't you ask the white people to show their tickets?! F-Bomb, F-Bomb, F-Bomb."
Of the five guys, the one sitting closest to us was clearly giving off signals that he disapproved of the scene his friends were making, but that he was also odd man out and could do nothing to influence the larger group. The other four continued to loudly discuss it, complain about it and make serious efforts to intimidate us.
They were on the right-side of our row, on the aisle. We were in the middle-left of the row. When returning from a beer run, rather than going back to their seats on the right, they made sure to come in from the left and cross in front of us growling "Watch it!" as they passed.
They made sure to loudly discuss our complaints about such profanity in front of children, "When I was that age, I had already heard F*** lots of times..."
Yes, I'm sure you had, and look! You turned out OK, right? What a socially retarded ass. Of course the kids have heard that word before... but you can be damn sure they had never had a fat, drunk guy scream it at their mother and her friend.
There is real racism and injustice in the world.
Assholes like this steal away attention from real issues by creating scenes that perpetuate and enforce societal stereotypes.
Security checked your ticket stub but not ours?
- A) It's racism!
- B) You're behaving like a drunken ass and using language that would make Andrew Dice Clay proud of you - of course they're going to check your ticket.
- A) It's racism!
- B) You're purposely annoying everyone and hurting their ears - of course they're going to ask you to stop.
- A) It's racism!
- B) You're a drunk bully.
- C) You are the type of person who wants to be angry and claim victim status, so you can fly off the handle at the slightest thing and throw a profanity laced, 300 pound temper tantrum.
- D) You may or may not be packing heat, a shank, or a pit-bull.
- E) Your aggressive and unpredictable behavior makes me worry you'll follow me to my car and kill me in the parking lot.
- F) It is not A.
We were able to discuss the fact that bullies are people who have low-self esteem, who are ego-centric and narcissistic. That bullies make themselves feel better by making others feel worse, and they blame any of their shortcomings on other people or other factors. They do not take personal responsibility.
We were able to discuss that while there is real racism and injustice in the world, this was not one of those times, but rather it was a case of a 40 year old, fat guy who threw a temper tantrum.
(BTW, the Texas Rangers creamed the Angels, 9 to 3.)
Thursday, October 01, 2009
For me, there's just one problem: I don't like to go to the aquarium. Oh look. A fish... A seal... A shark. OK? I'm done. For good. Don't need to see them again. For at least a year. Maybe 5 years.
However, HH and the kids love to go. The Aquarium hosted a members only after hours event last week and we all went as a family.
There's plenty to see.
What they enjoy the most is the area where you can touch the little sharks and the rays.