This was originally published on August 16, 2008
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I am the kind of person who will pull you aside and let you know if you have spinach on your tooth, or a booger, or toilet paper stuck to your shoe. I would hope someone would do the same for me.
So when I'm standing in a line this morning, and I notice the woman two people ahead of me has a hole in her pants, I feel obligated to tell her. This is not just a little hole where a seam is splitting. This is a hole that is about the size of a golf ball and frayed around the edges, and is right in the middle of a cheek. She is either wearing a thong or going commando - either way, I can see her butt. And her butt would do well (very well) to have some Jolen smeared onto it for a while. Her butt would also do well to get on a Stairmaster.
The hem of her shirt is barely covering the top of it. Without losing my place in line, I try to scooch up next to her to discretely tell her about the hole. "Excuse me, but you have a really big hole on the back of your jeans." She looked completely nonplussed: "Oh yes, thank you, I know."
Oh yes, thank you, I know?
I know?
Really?
So in summary, she got up this morning and put on a pair of skin-tight, faded, frayed jeans with a big hole in the butt, knowing that the world can see her fat, hairy ass. And doesn't care.
And this is somebody's mother. Not only that, she is a Team Mother, as the line we are in is to turn in our AYSO volunteer forms. The team who has her for a Team Mom will probably be called something like The Soccer Slobs or Terrible Trash, and will probably get Twinkies and Pepsi at half-time instead of orange slices and Gatorade.
That's just wrong on so many levels.
And also? On my way home from the AYSO thing I passed by a guy with a full beard, all tatted out, wearing a ratty T-shirt, black knee-high socks, combat boots... and a kilt. And was pushing a baby in a stroller.
But at least his ass was covered.
25 comments:
A fat, hairy butt? I mean, fat is one thing. Hairy is another. But fat AND hairy? Ew!
You should see the guy that picks up his kid from school with the thickest, nastiest dreads. He drives a minivan. Ha!
Macey
OMG that same thing happened to me at Bashas!! This one lady that was standing in front of me in the line was wearing skin tight jeans (and obviously a thong of some kind) and had a HUGE hole in the middle of a cheek...ughhh so wrong.
I am not surprised anymore at the things people wear. I'm simply not surprised.
Horrified?
Completely. :)
See Viv, I couldn't write a story like this.
First off, I'd be thinking "OMG, her big butt is hairy!"
And saying, "Lookit that, kids"
And they'd be commenting re: her sad butt re: my sad butt (and I surely hope I'd win.)
We'd never tell her.
And we'd laaaaaaugh.
Oh you kill me girl.
She KNEW?! Greaaaaat - I think that just make it that much worse!
I just love ya!!! Thanks for the laugh this morning, I had to share your last few posts with my hubby! He really loved Grants new hit song!!
Have a wonderful Sunday!
Yeeeaaahhh, the saddest part of the story is that she knew about it. At least you tried to help her out ;)
Apparently this chickie thought she looked hot! We had a MILF- type in our Football Mother's Club. The high school boys thought it was just great to see her bend over, but the REAL moms just cringed. Her hubby obviously approved because he never said a thing. Funny, but he hasn't had a military promotion since they've been here.
I will admit that from time to time I have done a quick run with the comb through my hair to make myself a TAD on the presentable side and then run out with something less than high fashion covering my body. But the key word there is COVERING.
What people will wear, and not wear, out in public these days is simply astounding - - - in all the WORST ways.
Not much surprises me anymore, but going out with a HOLE in your jeans where a hole should never be ... that's beyond decency.
Amazes me.
Cass
It never ceases to amaze me how many people stoop to such a level to conciously humiliate themselves. A fat, hairy butt, now that's a new level for sure!
It's so good to know that someone out there has an ass just like mine. However, I choose to cover mine...usually.
Also, if you're out and about again and see my husband taking out child for a walk please tell him to bring me home a 44 I'm thirsty!
Hi V...
OMG...can you believe it? Hehe!!! I can't even begin to imagine going out in public like that...yuk! Didn't seem to bother that lady though...sheeeshhh! Girl, I just about fell out of the chair reading this funny post...you always make me laugh!!!
I'm so glad that you joined in with Sunday Favorites again this week...I sure appreciate your faithful support!!! I sure do appreciate the sweet comment that you left for me about my tablescape and red dining room too!!! You're such a sweetie!!!
Have a super Sunday, my friend!
Chari
this would be one of those moments that my sweet grandmother taught me to say... "there but by the grace of God, go I"... though God has given me the good sense to keep my rear end covered and my cleavege hidden under a dickey... ;)
The other dumb part of this is that she probably paid Extra $$ to get the jeans with the strategically place @$$ hole (meant as two words, really)
Much as I enjoy embarrassing my kids I do keep my parts covered.
Some people just kill me!
We used to have a mom come into the school to volunteer in a tank top, REALLY low cut, with a big tattoo on her boob.
And she was overweight and saggy/wrinkly. It was so gross.
I wonder how proud her kid was to have her come in and volunteer!
WooHoo! I am gone for 2 days to the lake and get to come home to this!!
LOVE IT!!!
~Becca
Wow, that would have been a sight to see. NOT! Ewwww... I hoped that she was given a conduct list to go by on that volunteer form.
The way you write the story brings it so much to life. That is just nasty...and she KNEW! and someone's mama. Those poor children, your poor eyes.
hahahahaha...great great story. I wish I could just bump into someone with a big old hole in their pants. Would that I were so fortunate.
That is so wrong on so many levels. You would think that modesty would kick in with women once they have children but no. I feel sorry for her kid!! My goodness!!
You always crack me up!! And I feel sorry for you having to see someone's fat hairy ass!! YUCK!!!
ewwww... that is so tacky!!!!
great post!
thanks for playing!!
You should turn this material into Jeff Foxworthy...seriously funny. I always like his bit about "someone slept with that woman!!!" (also in this case, "someone slept with that man...in a kilt...w/ a shaggy beard and a tattered T." Yum. Ugh.)
You are a vivid writer. Makes the reader experience your experience. I am reading this before breakfast. Thanks.
A lot.
:-)
Ok, this post made my day! HILARIOUS...and so very wrong.
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